Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
