I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
