I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
