It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
