Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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