I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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