Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
