I looked at my own cervix.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
