WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
