My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
