Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
