imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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