Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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