I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
