i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
