Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
