My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
