I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
