He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize