True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
