When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
