Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
