my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
