That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
