Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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