he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize