I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
