i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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