If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
