Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
