I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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