the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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