So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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