You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
