you traded sex for a burrito?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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