The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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