Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
