I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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