my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
