the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
