In the future we'll all be gay
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
