the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
