I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
