I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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