hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
