So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize