i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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