does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
