Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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