ya dads aren't the best wingmen
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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