lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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