I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
