i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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