True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
