Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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