I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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