he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
