she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
