Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
