Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
