you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
