I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
