did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
