Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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