Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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