do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize